Tim Hawkins Poker With A Rabbit

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Comedian Tim Hawkins

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Comedian Tim Hawkins explains why it is important for a man to study his wife to have a really great relationship. I have to admit if I had the chance to play poker with a rabbit I’d probably do it. If you like this be sure to watch Tim share some more advice on Things.

Sep 21, 2016 Tim: What was I doing? Wife: You were playing poker with a rabbit, that’s what you were doing. And that’s the thing! You would do something like that! You would play poker with a rabbit while I was being eaten by a bear. Luckily a giant unicorn came and saved me. That’s how I got saved.
Maurice Hawkins believes that he can be a source of inspiration to those of us in the poker world on the outside looking in. According to Hawkins, if he can be a successful poker professional, so.
Tim Hawkins Jokes – 34 total. Tim: Sometimes my wife gets mad at me for behaving wrong in her dreams. You were playing poker with a rabbit, that's what you.
Aug 03, 2011 From Insanitized Tim Hawkins talks about whining kids and what. Simply hilarious!
Learn about Tim Hawkins: his birthday, what he did before fame, his family life, fun trivia facts, popularity rankings, and more.
“You were playing poker with a rabbit. And you would do that. You would play poker with a rabbit, while I’m being chased by a bear. But luckily a unicorn swooped down and saved me. The unicorn saved me, not you.” -Tim Hawkins. Here’s the link if you want to watch the last one (but don’t do it while your working!).

'You shoot me in a dream, you'd better wake up and apologize.'

We can't control what we dream about. We can barely control what we do in our dream, and we certainly can't control what we do in someone else's dream. However, people aren't purely rational. Sometimes it's possible to be mad at a friend not for something that they've done, but rather something they did in a dream or a simulation, which they'd have no control over. Very likely to involve a Bewildering Punishment. Of course it's impossible to know what you did when you didn't actually do it, especially if You Know What You Did is in place and the 'slighted' party doesn't share why they're so angry or if their only description of what's 'transpired' is a Non Sequitur that makes no sense to anyone else.

Examples:

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In Is This a Zombie?, Haruna has an Erotic Dream about Ayumu where he removes her clothes and seduces her. She is at first scared and confused, but then starts enjoying it. When she wakes up, she angrily beats Ayumu up.
Yotsuba&! '#56: Schedules' opens with Yotsuba having a nightmare in which Yousuke (her adoptive father) eats a large portion of a bag of her candy. She wakes up crying and chews him out for it. Even after he explains to her that it was a nightmare and proves it by getting her to see that it's all still there, she still demands 'Even if it was a dream, say you're sorry!!'

During an old Jimmy Olsen comic, Jimmy awakens from a dream where he is married to Lucy Lane, only for her to keep harassing him about his bond with Superman at every turn. When she calls him saying that she no longer has a date for that night and asks if he would like to take her out, Jimmy retorts that he definitely won't after the way she kept messing with his and Superman's relationship.
During one Archie Comics strip, Jughead dreams he's about to devour a mountain of burgers, only for Archie to get in the way and stop him before he can start feasting. Jughead wakes up extremely peeved, to the point that when he later comes across Archie, who gives him a cheerful greeting, Jug coldly tells him to mind his own business, much to Archie's natural confusion.

Discussed in Reservoir Dogs, where Mr. White tells Mr. Blonde that if he so much as shoots him in a dream, he'd better wake up and apologize.

One episode of How I Met Your Mother revolves around Marshall finding out who his wife Lily had an Erotic Dream about. When he figures out who, he treats the subject of the dream with disdain as though he actually did it.
Discussed in Girl Code, where some of the cast mention that they've gotten angry at a friend for things they did in a dream. Of course, they also discuss the opposite, where they wind up attracted to a friend for their actions in a dream.
Friends:
- Phoebe and Ross have a Feud Episode where she's mad at him for something.. then reveals at the end of an episode that she's mad for something he did.. and then he pulled off his energy mask and was Cameron Diaz. She then finally realized that it was a dream.
- When Ross has a crush on Rachel, he gets jealous when she has a sex dream about Chandler. He confronts Chandler, who sarcastically apologizes with the excuse that it was someone else's subconscious.
Wimzie's House. Deconstructed in the episode, 'You're Not My Friend,' in which Wimzie has a nightmare that Jonas was never her friend, and never liked her, and the next day during daycare, Wimzie is very hostile and abrasive towards Jonas, leaving him very confused and rather sad, since he's unaware that she's getting back at him for hurting her feelings in her dream. In the end, when he does finally learn about it, he tells her it was All Just a Dream.
I Love Lucy:
- In 'Ricky's Old Girlfriend', Lucy dreams that Ricky left her for Carlotta, leaving her poor and homeless on the streets with only a button given to her in her coin cup. Ricky, of course, doesn't get why she's so angry at him when she wakes up.
- In, 'Lucy Goes to Scotland,' Lucy has a near-entire episode dream sequence, in which being the last of the McGillicuddy Clan, she's to be fed to a cantankerous two-headed dragon (Fred and Ethel) that awakens every thirty years, and eats only McGillicuddy's. At one point in the dream, she meets Scott McTavish McDougal McCardo (Ricky), who falls in love with her, and vows to prevent the dragon from eating her, even if it means sacrificing his own life.. but when the dragon is brought to the village for its meal, Scotty chickens out at the last minute, and Lucy is thrown to the dragon. Lucy then wakes up, and proceeds to hit Ricky with her pillow in a fit of rage, despite Ricky not knowing why she's upset with him.
One episode of Ally McBeal started with Ally waking up angry with Larry because she had a dream where he dumped her.
An episode of Boy Meets World had Cory receive some bad advice from Feeny in a dream, for which he blamed the real Feeny.
Home Improvement had an episode where Tim and Jill are both dreaming of what they'll be like when they'll be old. In Jill's dream, Tim does something stupid with her life's work, and she angrily wakes up and starts berating him.
An episode of Frasier, which showed one dream from all the main characters, had Daphne dream that Niles was surrounded by young women while her pregnancy weight was hugely exaggerated. She woke up and punched him.
In the Walker, Texas Ranger episode 'Silk Dreams', assistant district attorney Alex Cahill keeps having nightmares of Walker getting shot, eventually working up to his partner, Trivette, shooting him. At the end, when everything has been worked out, Walker makes a comment which Alex interprets to mean she looks terrible. She begins saying it was all his fault for getting shot in her dreams and worrying her, and when he points out it was Trivette who shot him in her dreams, she turns her irritation on him. Then Walker puts an end to it by pulling her onto the dance floor.
An episode of Victorious begins with Cat angry at Robbie because he allowed a bunch of children to eat her in a dream she had.

Calvin and Hobbes: After having a dream that his parents were replaced by aliens who were experimenting on him, Calvin greets his mother at his next meal with a great deal of suspicion.
One Foxtrot comic has Paige falling asleep while Jason tells her about the upcoming Jurassic Park movie, causing her to have a dream that she's on an island where a character based on Jason has genetically engineered dinosaurs from Quincy the iguana's DNA and, for reasons never explained, made the carnivores so that they only will eat females named Paige. The dream ends with Paige running for the ocean upon hearing that the 'Quincyraptors' have escaped and she wakes up to glare daggers at Jason.
In one Garfield strip, Garfield dreams about finding a giant hamburger, only for Odie to eat it before he can. Garfield then wakes up and kicks Odie, telling him to stay out of his dreams.

Ray Romano (of Everybody Loves Raymond) once described getting in trouble with his wife because she dreamed he used one of her girlfriend's breasts as earmuffs. He called it a moment that he knew he was truly married after he had to apologize to her for it.
Tim Hawkins, a comedian, lists being on your wife's wrong side for doing something bad in her dreams as one of the dangers of marriage (watch it here).
I had a dream. I was being chased by a grizzly bear. It was going to eat me. And you know what you did? You were playing poker with a rabbit. And that's something you would do, too. You'd play poker with a rabbit while I was getting eaten by a bear.
Jeff Foxworthy said during one of his routines that his wife once got mad at him because she had a dream where he was making out with Heather Locklear. His response? 'Hell, I wasn't dreaming anything. Send her over to my dream and we'll both be happy.'
In one routine, Jim Gaffigan asks the audience if they ever had a dream where someone did something to them and was still angry with that person after waking up.
They're like 'Hey, how's it going?' and you just go, 'Fuck you. Don't act like you didn't push me off that cliff. You're lucky I could fly, mister!'

Solatorobo: Inverted when Red (unconscious after a Virtual Training Simulation) stumbles across Elh in the shower and gets slapped for it, since he's the one dreaming.
Elsword: in one supplementary comic, Aisha dreams about her and her friends suddenly growing up with only her noticing, and in particular, Elsword has changed from a brash hothead to a more levelheaded and compassionate young man - and she gets flustered at him. When she wakes up and meets Elsword (who, as usual, is being an insensitive jerk) she almost blurts out that he was nice in her dreams.. before she stopped and shouts 'YOU'LL NEVER TURN OUT TO BE LIKE THAT! NEVER!!'
In The Simpsons Game, after completion of the first level, The Landof Chocolate, Homer Simpson rants about the following below after he wakes up:
Homer: Not..wha?? Damn it, I was dreaming!! Why is life so unfair? All I want is the ability to eat everything inside and turn into a giant ball! Is that too much to ask? Damn you, reality!!
In Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade, Hector's B Support with Eliwood involves Hector retelling a Prophetic Dream about his daughter, who gets taken away by a red-headed boy who looks similar to Eliwood. Cue this trope.
Hector: No matter how close we may be, I’ll not–I’ll not give up my daughter!
Eliwood: Hector! Let’s hope your dream doesn’t come true, eh? For my sake.

Ultra Fast Pony. The episode 'Random Eye Magic' involves Rainbow Dash playing a very irritating prank on Twilight Sparkle—then the entire episode turns out to be All Just a Dream. Several episodes later, in 'Shameless Self Reference', Twilight admits that she's still angry at Dash for the dreamed prank (among several other, real incidents). Oddly enough, Rainbow Dash mentions that prank first, as if she remembered actually committing it.

An early Ozy and Millie strip has Millie feeling guilty for being mad at Ozy for taking her cookie in a dream. Ozy fixes this by actually taking her cookie so her anger can stop being unfounded.
Survivor: Fan Characters Season Eight: Madison, a pretty but shallow model, gets angry at her showmance partner, the handsome but stupid Brenton Bubbles, because he yelled at her. In her dream. The onlookers are baffled by this.
Sheldon: This strip has Sheldon mad at Arthur for something that happened in his dream - specifically, in his dream Arthur had fourteen camels and he wouldn't give Sheldon one and then he flew them to the moon and left Sheldon in Maine and he was a jerk. In the next strip, he's STILL mad at Arthur, despite Arthur's pointing out that it was just a dream. Then an equally-quite angry Gramp comes in.
Gramp:Why wouldn't you let me feed your Pegasus at the 1910 World's Fair??
In Nedroid, Beartato has gone missing and Reginald is searching for him. He decides he needs to think like Beartato in order to find him, then through a bizarre train of logic, the Beartato in his imagination threatens to kill Reginald. The Alt Text reads 'For weeks afterward, Reginald is angry at Beartato over this.'

Western Animation

In the episode 'The Dream' of The Amazing World of Gumball, Gumball holds a grudge against Darwin after seeing him kiss Penny in a dream.
In the American Dad! episode 'The Most Adequate Christmas Ever', it was shown that Stan once had a dream where Steve convinced him to give his kidney to a homeless man. Stan woke up in horror just before the surgery, then walked over to Steve's room, pushed him out of bed, and yelled at him for what his dream self did.
In the Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil episode 'Rocked', Kick's dream of being a superhero abrubtly ends with the villain being unmasked as Brad. Kick immediately goes to Brad's room and punches him in the shoulder, telling him, 'Stay out of my dreams!'
The Popeye short 'Wotta Nitemare' primarily takes place in a bad dream Popeye is having where things are just not going right for the sailor and Bluto is mistreating both him and Olive Oyl. When Popeye finally wakes up, he's so mad that he gets out of bed to find and punch out a bewildered Bluto.
In 'Truth or Poll' from Arthur, Brain and Binky get into a poll-taking competition with each other after Binky manipulates polls to his own advantage. Binky ends up having a nightmare in which he gets baked into a pie because using Brain's logic, which is actually a twisted version of his own logic, 100% of respondents said that they wanted Binky to be baked into a pie. That morning, when Brain offers to take a poll on Miss McGrady's behalf because Binky's are misleading, Binky gripes 'Well, at least I'm not putting kids in pies!'

Index

Maurice Hawkins believes that he can be a source of inspiration to those of us in the poker world on the outside looking in. According to Hawkins, if he can be a successful poker professional, so can anybody.

“Not everyone can be the guy in the high roller events who travels all over the world playing high stakes against the best players,” said Hawkins. “Only a small handful of players ever make it that far. But anyone can do what I’ve done if they work at it.”

The truth is that Hawkins is being modest. The 36-year-old poker pro has been in the game for 12 years and is one of the hardest-working grinders on the circuit today. He is tied for third place on the all-time World Series of Poker Circuit leaderboard with seven wins and recently became the first player to win back-to-back WSOP Circuit main events.

After Hawkins graduated from college, he had the opportunity to attend medical school. Instead, he chose the life of a professional poker player and has since racked up more than $2.2 million in live tournament earnings.

From Football To Poker

Hawkins grew up in St. Louis and grew up with a passion for the game of football. Even when his size forced him off the field, he worked hard on improving his skills.

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“From the point that I could stand, my mom was putting me in a football stance,” Hawkins recalled. “I played as a kid, but I had to stop because I was actually too big to play. They only let you play one year above yours if you exceed the weight limit, so I had to sit out for a couple years until I leaned out before high school.”

Although he played defensive end and center when he was one of the biggest kids on the field, he transitioned to nickelback after taking a scholarship to play football at Alabama A&M University. Unfortunately for Hawkins, an injury ended his football career prematurely.

“I was in the dorm one night and a guy came in with a gun. I kind of disabled him and his friend, but I ended up ripping my hamstrings when I chased them down.”

Hawkins was a third degree brown belt and could more than hold his own against a couple of criminals, but the experience made him rethink Alabama A&M, and as a result, he went home. Online poker websites for us players. But his mother still wanted him in college, so he ended up at Bethune-Cookman University in Daytona Beach, Florida.

“Right around that time, I was on crutches. I knew I had to do something because I was losing my mind with boredom. So I went into a casino, the old Seminole casino, and started playing cards. They used to have these Omaha sit-n-gos where they would stop play after 50 hands and the winner was whomever had the most chips. Then, as the poker boom happened, I started playing more no-limit hold’em tournaments.”

Hawkins graduated from college with a degree in biology and a minor in chemistry. He could enroll in medical school, but the thought of six more years of school and time away from his son made him rethink his plan and give poker a shot.

“My mom has always been supportive,” he said. “She told me that if I wanted to be a doctor, I should be the best doctor. If I wanted to be a comedian, I should be the best comedian. Even if I wanted to be a thief, I should be the best thief. She always stressed to me that no matter what I chose in life, I should give it my all so I’m not left with any regrets.”

Poker Beginnings

Hawkins continued to grind sit-n-gos in south Florida, slowly building his bankroll to the point where he could afford to buy-in for $1,000 at a time. Then he took third in a tournament called The Big Slick, earning him $21,000.

“I was so excited. It was one of the greatest days of my life,” he said. “I ended up taking all of that money to the PCA in the Bahamas. I didn’t really know what I was doing. In fact, on the bubble I actually left so I wouldn’t get my aces cracked or something like that.”

Hawkins made the money and then returned to Florida to continue the grind. At one point, the laws seemingly changed in the state to allow for uncapped cash games and as a result, the Seminole Hard Rock Casino spread $25-$50 and $50-$100 no-limit hold’em for four days. Hawkins won $150,000 during that stretch before the games were shut down.

With $100 buy-in limits back on cash games, Hawkins began playing in private cash games all over south Florida. But it wasn’t long before he was on the road, trying his hand in more regional tournaments.

“People started getting robbed and the environment became unsafe,” he admitted. “I promised my family I wouldn’t put myself in those situations anymore, so I hit the road. I won three WSOP Circuit rings early on and won two Venetian Deep Stack Extravaganza events in a row, and then the Florida Million. After that, I basically became a full-time grinder.”

Finding Success

The key to Hawkins’ success was his lack of an ego. While others were putting their entire bankrolls on the line along the beaches of Monte Carlo, he had no problem giving it everything he had in a $300 buy-in WSOP Circuit event in Biloxi, Mississippi.

“A poker pro named Paul Wolfe once told me that it doesn’t matter if you are a top-ten player. If you play poker with the other top ten players, then you’re just average. All of these guys are on ego trips. They are living a sad life with sad expectations. I play poker to feed my family, not to say I beat the best. I’d rather be the big fish in the small pond.”

In 2014, Hawkins made the final table of the WSOP Millionaire Maker event, finishing ninth for $128,150. In 2015, he took fourth at the WPT Borgata Poker Open main event for $220,258. Then this year, he became the first player to take down back-to-back WSOP Circuit main events by winning in Council Bluffs, Iowa and Cherokee, North Carolina for paydays of $113,152 and $279,722, respectively.

Although he has been getting more attention from the media lately, he insists that it’s the money, not the respect, that drives him. With five kids to provide for along with his wife, April, Hawkins knows that weekend trips to places like Jacksonville, Elizabeth, Pompano Beach, Hanover, Durant, and Tunica are how he puts food on the table.

“I’m a legend. If they don’t know, then they aren’t paying attention. It’s obvious. But I’m not in this industry for the recognition, I’m in it for the money. I’d rather be overrated and overpaid then be underrated and underpaid. It doesn’t matter how you get to a million dollars. You can do it five dollars at a time, or win it all on one big flip. I’m going to choose the low-variance approach.”

Moving Forward

It’s often said the very best poker players reach the top of the game because they have a complete disregard for money. To them, money is just a tool you use to beat your opponents, not a mortgage payment.

“Well, I do have a complete disregard for chips,” Hawkins admitted. “I will put it in on you at any moment. But I also have an appreciation for the value of money. When I lose in a $500 tournament, I’m pissed. I trust the process, but in that moment, I’m pissed that I lost $500.”

Hawkins doesn’t want to risk what he’s built by trying to prove he’s one of the best.

“It’s all about the money in this game, and there are people working at Burger King that have made more money this year than a lot of poker players,” said Hawkins. “The worst thing ever must be to reach the top, to experience that lifestyle, and then lose it all. Some of these guys can’t handle that, so they sell a huge percentage of themselves so they can stay in the big cash games and tournaments. If you see me win a million dollars, I want you to know that I actually won a million dollars and didn’t have to sell all of myself to get in.”

But even when he gets there, Hawkins has no plans of getting out of the game any time soon.

“I’m not the guy who wants to win big so he can get out,” said Hawkins. “I’m a poker player, and I’ll always be a poker player. I don’t understand those people who are making plans with money they haven’t won yet. I love poker. Why start something and then quit when you find success?” ♠

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Comedian Tim Hawkins